You know she's the one, but you're just not sure how to ask her to marry you. Do you take her engagement ring shopping? Do you ask her, or her friends, what type of diamond ring she wants? Do you really need to save two-months salary to pay for it? From learning the 4Cs - cost, carat, color and cut - to knowing when you should propose, The Everything Groom Book has everything you need to know about buying the perfect engagment ring and how to slip it on her (left ring) finger.
Ring Buying 101
Buying an engagement ring sounds like an easy enough task. After all, men do this every day, right? Of course they do. But just because the jewelry shops are full of customers doesn't necessarily mean that any of those customers know what they're doing. Sure, your buddy bought his girlfriend a beautiful ring -- but does he have any idea whether or not it's a quality diamond? Before you start your shopping, educate yourself a little and be prepared to do a lot of legwork. Yep, you'd better shop around.
The Basics
First things first: You can't walk into a jewelry store without knowing the first thing about the product you're looking for, or you may end up paying way too much for an inferior diamond. Be an informed consumer and know at least the ru-dimentary facts.
- Carat vs. karat. One refers to the purity of a precious metal; the other refers to the weight of a diamond. Which is which? (Big hint: Carat refers to diamond weight, which is a huge factor in the price of the ring you're looking at.)
- Diamond grading. When a diamond is appraised, it's put through a rigorous examination that includes an evaluation of the color and clarity of the stone -- these, in turn, affect its value.
- The four C's of diamonds. Color, clarity, carat, and cut. Many jewelers will use this all-encompassing phrase when you're looking at their goods, so you should know what they're referring to.
- Big stores vs. independent jewelers. Although the big stores advertise more, the smaller guys may be able to work out a bet-ter deal with you. After all, they're running their own business, they set their own prices, and they don't have the overhead that the bigger stores do.
What Does She Want?
If you and your girlfriend have been planning this engagement (in other words, it's not going to come as a complete surprise), she probably has some idea of the type of ring she'd like to have. Many couples go shopping for the ring together nowadays, so don't feel like you're ruining anything by asking her if she'd like to browse in some shops with you. She doesn't have to be there when you make the final purchase (hence recapturing the element of surprise), but you can at least get a pretty good idea of what she's interested in -- and you'll be relieved if it's wildly different from what you were planning on buying for her.
The shape of the stone is often very important to women. Some women have very strong opinions about what type of cut they prefer, so if your fiancee is looking at a princess-cut diamond, but you really like the pear-shaped one ... give in to her on this. Yes, the ring is a gift from you, but she'll be wearing it every day for the rest of her life. She has to feel comfortable with it. (If she thinks that the pear-shaped diamond makes her fingers look fat or misshapen, for example, she's going to think about how great the princess cut would have looked -- every day.)
Be Observant
In addition, many women have definite pref-erences as far as precious metals are con-cerned. Some women love gold and would never wear silver (or vice versa); other women prefer platinum. If you notice that your girlfriend never wears anything but silver, it could well be because she doesn't like the look of gold. Be safe and stick with her partialities on this purchase.
Your best bet is to give yourself plenty of time to shop around, compare prices, and do some research. Web sites like www.adiamondisforever.com and www.debeers.com will give you a heads-up on what you need to know before you leave the house to shop for an engagement ring.
Two Months' Salary? Really?
Somewhere, someone (probably a jeweler with a big mortgage and kids to put through college) came up with this "guideline" for how much you should spend on your fiancee's diamond ring. This figure is likely close to the amount of credit that will be extended to you by any jewelry store. Whether or not you're comfortable spending that much dough is up to you -- and your fiancee, to some extent. If the two of you have been discussing buying a home or a car, carefully consider to what extent your finances can support a ring. It's possible that your fiancee would much rather have the house than the ring.
If you're wavering on the issue of a ring, though, keep this in mind: As life progresses (and it will, more quickly than you realize) there will be expense after expense. Now is probably the best time to take the plunge and buy a diamond (one that you can afford, that is). It will become less of a financial priority as the years go by and you have a mortgage, car payments, and kids.
In the end, you have to be realistic. Of course you love her so much that you want to get her the biggest, best diamond in the city, but slow things down enough to look at the big picture of your future finances (i.e., talk yourself out of going into massive debt in order to buy her a massive ring). Take a deep breath and repeat this mantra, "The diamond is not a metaphor for my love." You can show her you love her in a million ways -- spending every last dime on a ring (and borrowing against many future dimes) may not be the best way.
Before you walk into a jewelry store, set a spending limit for yourself (based on your income vs. your debt) and stick to it. And be strong in your resolve not to overspend. Tricky jewelers will try to push you over your limit, and they'll use your love for your girlfriend as a weapon against you. ("If you really loved her, you'd get her the three-carat ring.") The salespeople in the jewelry shops will be very kind to you. Remember that their main goal is to make a buck. They will try to sell you things that you really can't afford, so be on guard and say no when you must.
Getting the Timing Right
You know you shouldn't ask her to marry you when her life is in total upheaval (You do know that, don't you?). But should you ask her before she leaves on her year-long transfer to Europe, or after? If you know there's no chance of the two of you tying the knot for at least another two years, should you wait until the right time approaches? What are the benefits and drawbacks to long engagements?
Her House Just Burned Down...
She's also been fired, oh, and her dog died, too. Don't ask her to marry you now. The best thing you can do for your girlfriend when her life is falling apart is stick with her through it. Look at puppies with her; help her find work; pick through the ashes of her building with her -- but hold on to the ring for now.
Don't spring a proposal on her if her life is in turmoil. A woman in crisis is not in any position to pledge her life to you. She's just trying to get through each day as it comes. Eventually the smoke will clear (no pun intended) and the right time for a proposal will present itself.
Excerpts: From The Everything Groom Book by Shelly Hagen. © 2004 F+W Publications, Inc. Used by permission of Adams Media.