Q

I have been living with my fiance for about three years. We've always wanted to elope and plan to do so next year, on vacation, far away. The problem is with our families. He's an only child and I am the youngest child of four. Obviously, our families really want us to have a nice wedding. Well, weddings are not for us. And putting our families together just might create a riot! What should we do? -- Cat77



A

Dear Cat77:

When it comes down to it, weddings are about the two people getting married. So if you and your fiance want to elope, that's what you should do.

Still, you can't help but feel for your parents, who only want to have a wedding for their children. But, hey, who says you can't have it all?

If you think your families could behave themselves in the same room for a night, go ahead and elope to your destination wedding, but wait to exchange rings (use flower leis or other rings in their place) until you return home. Then let your parents rent a hall and invite lots of guests. The bride can show up in a big white dress, the groom in a tux, and hold a "wedding ring ceremony." There you can exchange rings and repeat your vows or write supplemental ones. At the reception, you could even have a TV and VCR set up so guests could watch your actual wedding.

If your parents can't be put in the same room without a riot starting, you could still allow them both to hold two separate cake and champagne receptions for you upon your return. Think about it -- and do what feels right for you two.