The idea of making a wedding toast can make some dads, best men and maids of honor want to throw back a few too many champagne cocktails. Being prepared will help you deliver a speech that will be treasured by the bride and groom forever.
To the Happy Couple: Creating a Great Wedding Toast with Style has tips for everyone in the wedding who is likely to raise a glass to the newlyweds, including when toasts should be given and how long they should be. So before you start writing your speech, find out what's appropriate and what's not when it comes to your moment in the spotlight.
The Toastmaster
A large or very formal wedding may include a toastmaster or master of ceremonies. The toastmaster or emcee's job is to run the proceedings and keep things going smoothly, much like a cruise director on a luxury liner. The toastmaster's presence allows family members and the wedding party to relax and enjoy the festivities.
In addition to announcing that dinner is about to be served and asking the guests to be seated, the toastmaster also announces the arrival of the bride and groom and escorts them to their places. If a grace or prayer is going to be offered before dinner, the toastmaster introduces the person who will be saying it, usually a family member or the member of the clergy who performed the ceremony. In addition to these duties, a toastmaster also introduces each person who delivers a toast.
Smaller, less formal weddings may not include a toastmaster, so these tasks can be assigned to various other members of the wedding party. The best man often assumes the role of toastmaster or emcee. If the best man is to do this job successfully, he must be prepared. He needs to have a loud clear voice and above all he needs to know the names of everyone he is going to introduce, the order in which he should introduce them, and the approximate times at which events at the reception are supposed to take place.
The toastmaster should...
- Make gracious and concise introductions
- Introduce speakers with correct titles
- Learn the proper pronunciation of all names before hand
- Be prepared to control applause
- Keep an eye on the timing of proceedings; if time becomes a problem, it's fine to start the toasting before all guests have finished eating
- Prepare appropriate remarks for the end of the reception
Toasting tips for the
Best Man,
Maid of Honor and the
Father of the Bride.
The Best Man's Toast
At most traditional American wedding receptions, the best man proposes the first toast to the newly married couple. After introducing himself, the best man might begin by congratulating the groom on finding such a wonderful women. In his speech, he can include a funny anecdote or two about how the couple met, share some of the things the pair has in common, or discuss plans the couple shares for the future. The best man might also mention how important the bride's family is to the groom or use his speech as an opportunity to thank all of the guests on behalf of the couple. Sometimes the best man reads messages, cards, e-mails, or faxes from people unable to attend the wedding.
The Groom's Toast
The groom first responds to the best man's toast by thanking him and then thanks both sets of parents, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, and other friends before saying a few words to the bride. If the bride and groom have written their own vows for the wedding ceremony, then the groom may choose to be brief. If not, he may want to use his toast as an opportunity to talk about how grateful he is to have married such a beautiful and remarkable woman and publicly express his feelings for his new wife.
The Maid of Honor
The maid of honor toasts the bride and groom on behalf of the bridesmaids. She might want to include a personal story about her friendship with the bride, or she might talk about her perfect the bride and groom look together on this special day. Words of advice on love and marriage or a spiritual statement could also be appropriate here, as well as simple good wishes for many years of happiness together.
The Bride's Toast
After the maid of honor's toast, the bride may want to toast the groom or thank her family, though she need not speak if she does not wish to do so. If she does speak, she may, like the groom, wish to focus on publicly expressing her love for her new spouse.
Father of the Bride's Toast
The last toast at a traditional American wedding reception is usually proposed by the father of the bride. He thanks his new son-in-law's family and may want to mention how much he and his wife have enjoyed getting to know them. He can share some personal history about his marriage or family and speak briefly about how proud he is of his daughter. If the bride's parents are hosting the reception, the father of the bride may want to thank all the guests for coming, or he might use his toast as an opportunity to present a special gift to the couple.
Find out when to
schedule the toasts and
how long a toast should be.
Timing the Toasts
At large or formal evening weddings, the toasts usually take place just after dinner, when guests are still seated and before the cake cutting ceremony. For less formal and afternoon weddings, or outdoor weddings, the toasts are usually offered after the couple's first dance as husband and wife or at the end of the hors d'oeuvres period, before the cake is cut. Regardless of the timing of the toasts and the size of your reception, it's important to make sure that the caterers, servers, or hosts have poured champagne or another drink for all the guests before toasting begins. Some people believe it's bad luck to toast with an empty glass.
Arranging the toasts at informal or small wedding demands attention to a few extra details. The key issue is to make sure that all the guests are gathered together so that all can be part of the toasting. You'll need to decide whether you want guests to stand or sit, which depends on the timing of the toast and the events at the reception. If there's no head table, the toaster needs to find a place where all the guests can hear the toasts easily. For example, at a small wedding with 14 guests held at the bride's parents' house, the sister of the bride might make a toast from the fireplace hearth, elevating herself just enough to let people know that she plans to speak and insuring that all the guests can see and hear her. The toasters or the person planning the reception should checkout the venue in advance to determine the best place for gathering guests for toasts.
The Length of Toasts
Everyone over 30 remembers a wedding toast gone wrong: one that was too long, was too dull, or went on and on. A toast shouldn't run longer than 2-3 minutes. That amount of time allows you to graciously introduce yourself; say a few personal words, often incorporating a funny anecdote, clever saying, or witty quotation; and conclude with a request to the other guests to join you by raising your glasses and drinking to the health and happiness of the newly married couple.
Excerpted from
To the Happy Couple: Creating a Great Wedding Toast with Style by Sarah McElwain Illustrations by Diana Marye © 2006 Chronicle Books
