Excerpted from:
Love, Marriage & Money: Understanding and Achieving Financial Compatibility Before-And-After-You Say 'I Do'
By Gail Liberman and Alan Lavine
Funny, You Don't Look Like Your Name
You've tied the knot, and you suddenly have an option on your name. When should you take the name of your spouse? When should you keep your own? What are the repercussions of each? Then again, some couples use both spouses, last names, hyphenated. Could that be the way to go? This chapter gives you the legal and financial repercussions of whatever name you choose.
Who Are You? What Is Your "Legal" Name?
|
|
Many, men in particular, treat this as a big joke. But if you're a woman, this is an important milestone in determining your true identity, perhaps for the rest of your life. Think about this one. If you choose the wrong name, or you don't clearly choose a name, it can haunt you forever.
Waffle on this issue, and you could find yourself in the situation of one of this book's coauthors. You might have your driver's license in one name, and tax return and Social Security form filed in another.
"Sign your name here," somebody tells you. You have to stop dead in your tracks. What is your legal name? What does it mean? Should you add your spouse's name to yours with a hyphen? Should you take your spouse's name and subtract your own name. What if you've already been married previously? Should you have the last name of two husbands, or go back to your original birth name?
The NOW Legal Defense and Education Fund in New York notes that at least three state attorney generals-in Maine, Michigan, and Wisconsin-have issued opinions permitting men to adopt a woman's name at marriage. Plus, it says, the Equal Credit Opportunity Act gives a woman the right to keep a credit account in her birth surname, her husband's surname, or a combined surname.
Meanwhile, whatever name you take could well influence that of your children. Nobody, it seems, really cares which name you give them-unless the two of you disagree-which, we hope by now, you do less frequently. In disagreements, courts almost always rule in favor of the father, NOW reports.
Deciding on a married name is a tougher call than one thinks. Take the authors of this book.
"Hello, Mr. Liberman?" telemarketers said to the male coauthor, when he married the other coauthor and moved into her Florida condo. "Yes," he'd respond, not wishing to spend the time discussing the error.
Then, he'd get off the phone and grouse to his spouse-coauthor. "Why don't you just change your name?"
So, his spouse did change her name-at least on Social Security and for the IRS and on her medical plan-stuff that nobody sees. The driver's license stayed "Liberman" as did the professional name. It wasn't worth tossing career recognition built up over 25 years, she reasoned.
Problems:
- Doctor's offices would call at work asking for "Mrs. Lavine," only to be told no such person works there.
- Frequent flyer cards in the name of "Lavine," failed to coincide with business-related airline tickets in the name of "Liberman," and frequent flyer miles went uncredited.
- When persons asked for identification, the driver's license-which had a photo-failed to coincide with airline tickets. Fortunately, a hyphenated last name on checks once saved this situation.
- Plus, the whole issue was a point of argument with the male coauthor of this book.
That's not all that can happen. If you're considering using more than one option, consider the friend of ours who reserved tickets to a Broadway show in a hyphenated name -- her maiden name and her husband's name -- and then forgot. When the couple went to pick up their tickets they mysteriously were nowhere to be found.
Experience incidents like these on a consistent basis and you'll wind up in Bellevue!
A woman's married name affects not only her and her spouse. We've heard of cases in which a spouse's relatives actually were rude because they thought that the woman, who declined to take her husband's name, was not as committed as she should be.
Then, there is the issue of media identification. The New York Times, notes author Peggy Noonan, might have employed one of the strangest style of all-requiring a "Mrs." title on a married woman-even though she has chosen to retain her maiden name.
Name changes can wreak havoc on computer systems. The Social Security Administration in 1996 claimed to have $234 billion worth of wage reports-some dating as far back as 1937-that it was unable to match with individual accounts.
Apart from not knowing what to do with surnames, a report issued by the Social Security Administration's San Bernardino, California district, cited women as being responsible for a large portion of the errors. Women often failed to notify the Social Security Administration when they changed their last names.
Now, the Social Security Administration reports, it has 200 million unresolved wage items in "suspense," representing $250 billion in wages. It suggests that all workers make certain they're getting proper credit for their earnings by requesting a Personal Earnings and Benefit Estimate Statement periodically (see phone number and Web site in Chapter 4).
When a Woman Should Keep Her Own Name
Anyone who thinks social traditions are getting more equitable would get a jolt by a Bride's magazine reader survey. The poll revealed that more first-time brides in their 20s are planning to take their husbands' names-87 percent in 1996, compared with 71 percent in 1992.
An American Demographics poll in 1994 indicated that First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton actually had broken tradition. She was among "just 10 percent of married women in the United States who use something other than their husband's last name. Hyphenated names are used by 5 percent of couples, while just 2 percent of married women use their maiden name. About 3 percent, including Hillary Rodham Clinton, who uses her maiden name as a middle name, opt for other alternatives."
The wives who break with tradition are affluent achievers, the poll said. "That's because achievers are professionals who have worked hard to establish their names in their fields. Other women who keep their own names are in the "fulfilled" group-individualists who view the custom of taking a husband's name as outdated.
Women who marry younger are more likely to use nontraditional last names-14 percent of those under 40 compared with 5 percent for women 50 or older. Women with higher education and incomes are more likely to take a nontraditional name.
Meanwhile, NOW reports that children currently are adopting parents' hyphenated surnames. Also, some parents have named boys with their father's surnames and girls with their mothers'.
Instances in which women might want to retain their own names:
- They are well-known.
- They have a career.
- They marry late in life and are too well-known by their own name.
- Their spouse has a long or difficult name.
- They like their own name better.
- They are frustrated with the male-dominated establishment.
- They want old friends to be able to find them in the phone book without having to know who they married.
When a Woman Should Change Her Name
A woman might consider changing her name:
- When she marries at a young age and has not yet built her career.
- When her husband is well-known.
- When she wants to.
On the other hand, a woman needs to make sure she's also not giving up power along with her name. As we indicated on the issue of money, both parties in a marriage need independence and an equal amount of power. Otherwise problems can result.
How a Woman's Name Affects Her Spouse
Having a spouse with a different last name is a real headache-and-a-half, the male coauthor of this book can testify. Anytime you have to call for information about your spouse, you play a guessing game about which name was used. Typically, the person on the other end of the phone is checking records on the computer. It takes an extra five minutes to get things straightened out or get the information you need.
There is only one real solution to the problem. Pick out one name and use it for everything. Either use your own name, a hyphenated name, or take your husband's name. It really doesn't matter. Otherwise, it's a totally aggravating mess.
Gail: So Al, why did you pressure me to change my name in the first place?
Al: You've been bugging me about this ever since we wrote this chapter. Before we got married I had a lot of friends whose wives either kept their maiden name or used a hyphenated name. They were about as happy as you will ever see people that have been married for more than ten years. So in my mind, it really didn't matter. But then when we got married I got confused. I wanted you to be part of me. I wanted to get as close to you as I could get. I wanted us to merge. I just felt closer to you when I said Gail Lavine-you were now part of me. Nevertheless, it really doesn't matter if you go by Gail Smith-Jones. I love you just as much.
Changing a Name There is nothing magic about changing your name. The general rule, the American Bar Association reports, is that as long as a woman uses a certain name consistently and honestly, that's her name.
Notify all government agencies and private agencies that have records of your name of the change. You'll particularly want to be certain you notify the Internal Revenue Service, Social Security Administration, U.S. Post Office, state tax departments, professional licensing agencies and societies, lenders, landlords, banks, credit card companies, phone companies, utility companies, newspapers, doctors and dentists, and schools and colleges you attend or that your children attend.
The NOW Legal Defense and Education Fund claims that most states have formal legal procedures for changing a name. The advantage is it provides a court order and a public record and thus proves to everyone that the name change is legally binding.
Read Chapter 4 of Love, Marriage and Money entitled "Tying the Knot: Dollars and Sense."
Return to the Guest Experts page.
For more about money, visit our Money Life Channel.
