Nothing makes a statement about the value you place on your friendships quite like asking those special women in your life to be your bridesmaids. After all, the position of bridesmaid should be filled by those female friends and relatives you most want to stand by your side and support you as you marry the love of your life. A host of practicalities come along with playing this highly emotional role, however. And for a bridesmaid to fulfill her responsibilities in a way that will make both you and her happy, you both need to first understand and agree on what they are.
We can't stress this enough: When you ask each woman to be your bridesmaid, also explain what you expect from her in terms of responsibilities -- and give her the opportunity to gracefully decline if it's more responsibility than she desires. Talk about the time commitment involved in being in your wedding party, whatever it might be. Some brides expect nothing more of their attendants than for the women to show up on the big day; others want an entourage to accompany them dress shopping, to help address invitations and, essentially, to participate in every step of the wedding planning. Also, if there will be any unusual financial obligations involved with being in your wedding party (a Bahamas-based bridal shower weekend, for instance, or a custom-made designer bridesmaid's dress), you should talk about them up front. Typically, these are the expenses your bridesmaids will incur:
The Wedding Shower
Generally, the bridesmaids pool their resources to host and pay for one shower for the bride. Although some brides end up having multiple showers to which the bridesmaids are invited, the attendants themselves need not feel obligated to host or contribute to the costs of more than one event. In a similar vein, the bridesmaids will want to give the bride one bridal shower gift. This can be a group gift from all the attendants or individual presents from each maid. If there is more than one shower, bridesmaids need not bring a gift to every one. One shower gift is enough.
Next Page: The Bachelorette Bash, Bridesmaid's Attire, Hotel and Travel Expenses, The Wedding Gift
The Bachelorette Bash
Often, bridesmaids will organize a bachelorette party. They may wish to pay for the party; however it's more likely that each woman who attends will pay her own way and also chip in a bit extra to cover the bride's bill. The bridesmaids may want to buy gag gifts or other amusing, er, props for the event. However, this is totally optional.
The Bridesmaid's Attire
Typically, a bridesmaid's largest expense is paying for the dress (and, possibly, coordinating shoes, gloves, jewelry and so on) that the bride chooses for her attendants to wear. In lieu of (or sometimes in addition to) a bridesmaid's gift, some brides may wish to pay for all or part of each bridesmaid's attire. However, the bride should not feel obligated to do so. If your bridesmaids are paying for part or all of their attire, try to keep the cost as low as possible. (Anything over $200 for each woman's completed ensemble is, in our opinion, unreasonable.)
Hotel and Travel Expenses
Many brides tell us they are confused about who should foot the bill for the wedding party's travel and hotel. The answer is simple: Each attendant is expected to pay her own way. The only exception to this rule is if the bride chooses to have her wedding party arrive at the wedding in a limo; that's one wedding-party travel expense that's fully and undeniably the bride and groom's responsibility.
The Wedding Gift
Of course, your bridesmaids will want to buy you a wedding gift. This is usually something chosen from the registry and can be given either jointly or as individuals.
Looking for more bridesmaids basics? Check out:
12 Ways to Thank Your Bridesmaids
11 Tips for Giving a Great Toast
Dresses Your Bridesmaids Will Love
If you're a bridesmaid, these articles are just for you:
Bachelorette Party Basics
How to Throw a Super Shower
Must-read Tips for the Maid of Honor
Top Ten Wedding-Present Pointers
Do you have a wedding planning question? Ask our expert your questions on the Ask the Bridal Expert message board for her advice.
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