- Calling All Brides:
Are You Ready to... [quiz] - A Toasting Guide
For Everyone in the... [article] - Always a
Bridesmaid... in an... [article] - Junior Bridesmaids:
Etiquette... [article] - Unhelpful
bridesmaids [your thoughts]
Dear Wedding Women:
A friend of mine just asked me to be in her wedding party, but I think her fiance is a total jerk. He cheats on her and smokes pot behind her back. I think this marriage is going to end in divorce.
On the other hand, she is one of my best friends and I want to be supportive. What should I do?
Voxpop
Voxpop:
It's not easy to be enthusiastic about a wedding you don't whole-heartedly believe in. But ask yourself: Does your friend know whom she's marrying? Chances are, she does, and she's choosing to marry him warts and all. And, let's face it, that's her choice to make -- whether you like it or not.
By inviting you to be in the wedding party, your friend is not asking for your approval. She's simply asking you to support her in a decision she's already made. The gesture makes a statement about how much she values you as a friend and how important it is to her to include you in this new stage of her life. If you say no, you risk cutting yourself off from all that.
The risk may be worth it to you. And, if you say no, you should be honest and tell her why. Which means you need to be certain you've got the facts straight. There's no way to predict how she'll react.
If we were you, we'd be a bridesmaid. Because, besides helping plan the wedding, a bridesmaid's responsibility is to make sure the bride is hanging in emotionally as well. Help her see her situation clearly without forcing it on her. Encourage her to talk about her hopes and dreams for this marriage. Be a sounding board.
You don't have to gush about a guy you hate. If she asks what you think of him, be specific in your criticism or praise. Don't make generalizations and choose your words carefully. And make sure to tell her that, if he makes her happy, that makes you happy. In fact, stress that your friendship is unconditional, that your priority is her happiness. Because if this relationship doesn't work out -- either before or after the big day -- she'll need to know she can turn to you without being judged.
