Bridesmaid Responsibilties

While the promise of dresses and shoes and fabulous parties and hot groomsmen are the perks of being a bridesmaid, there's a job description underneath it all. You have roles and responsibilities to handle as well. But don't worry -- the list is nowhere near as long as the bride and groom's list of "Things To Do." Read The Bridesmaid Handbook's list of responsibilities for today's bridesmaid so you don't miss a step.

The "To Do" List For Bridesmaids

In the past, when weddings were pretty much cookie-cutter and all wedding parties did the same things (just in different color dresses and different degrees of poufiness), bridesmaids did little more than show up to parties and dress-shopping trips, plan a bridal shower, get a gift, and show up for the wedding. And perhaps lead a conga line at the reception. Sure, they lent moral support to the bride, helped make wedding favors, had their nails and hair done before the wedding, and posed for pictures. They handled those roles well, but today's wedding has changed.

Clearly, the bride and groom are likely to delegate out some of their own tasks, giving you a challenge and a big victory when you find that chocolate fountain or that stretch Humvee. For now, let's look at the traditional, perennial roles that haven't changed very much in the past few decades.

• Attend the engagement party, if one is held, and bring a gift.
• Make time to attend an initial planning meeting (and cocktails!) with the bride and the other bridesmaids. This first meeting sets the stage for the entire planning process to come. This is where you'll find out what the bride has in mind for the wedding, the date and season, the location, the style and formality, the theme, the size, all the basics. (Distance Alert! When everyone lives far apart, this info may come in a detailed email from the bride.)
• Offer to help the bride with any pre-planning or specialty tasks to which you can contribute. (For example, now's the time to tell her your cousin is the head of catering at a great ballroom and can give her a 50 percent discount.)
• Make your travel plans if you need to fly or drive in for the wedding activities.
• Join in the shopping trip for bridesmaids' dresses, shoes, and accessories. Be ready to pay for your own wardrobe and to leave a deposit right now.
• Assist the bride on her own shopping and scouting trips, if asked.
• Help plan and pay for the bridal shower with the Maid of Honor and other bridesmaids.
• Help choose and pay for a bridal shower gift, either as a group gift with the others or just from you.
• Share hostessing duties at the bridal shower, including running games, serving, assisting the bride with her gifts, keeping record of gifts, making the "bow bouquet," and of course, cleanup.
• Attend additional showers given by others if distance allows.
• Attend dress fittings and pay the balance for your dress.
• Attend bridesmaid brunches and other planning meetings.
• Plan, pay for, and co-host the bachelorette party.
• Select and pay for a wedding gift for the couple, wrap it, and fill out a terrific card for them.
• Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner; show up on time and be ready to learn! There's plenty of time to socialize at the reception.
• Show up on time the morning of the wedding, ready for the hair and makeup trip to the salon, and dressed in time for prewedding photos.
• If necessary, show up even earlier to help set up and decorate the wedding site, or help set up breakfast or snacks at the bride's house before you get ready.
• Help the bride get ready.
• Volunteer for last-minute errands, such as picking up a bridesmaid whose car battery is dead, running out to buy extra stockings, or bringing a card to the groom from the bride.
• Complete all duties during the ceremony, following directions, perhaps doing readings or musical performances if asked.
• Stand in the receiving line and make introductions.
• Pose for postwedding pictures.
• Attend the cocktail party and reception, jump-starting the dancing and getting others onto the dance floor. Dance with your appointed groomsman for the first dance, and then choose your date or other partners for other dances.
• Participate in special reception moments, like the throwing of the bouquet or special ethnic dances and rituals.
• Help with end-of-party responsibilities like getting drunk guests safe rides home, transporting all those wedding gifts back to the bride and groom's house, and making sure nothing has been left behind.
• All the way through, be there for whatever the bride needs and whenever she wants to talk.

Are you the maid of honor? Click here to find out what additonal responsibilites you have