Here's where your job as a bridesmaid gets a bit deeper. It's not just "plan a bridal shower, show up at the wedding." This is where being a friend or a sister comes into play, where you contribute your comfort, loyalty, sense of humor, perspective, and life's wisdom to help the bride in the most important ways possible: by being you. Check out the following "job descriptions" from The Bridesmaid Handbook on how to be a great bridesmaid.
Confidence Keeper
The bride is going to have a lot going on in her mind during this entire process. She's going to be excited, but she's also going to be overwhelmed and pushed to the edge sometimes. She may want to cry, complain, or vent--and that's the best thing she can do so that she doesn't bottle up and fall apart. She needs someone trustworthy to whom she can talk about her fears, and she needs someone she knows would never gossip about her momentary doubts about marriage in general. She needs a safe place to blow off steam or a good listener to help her sort out her feelings ... and that would be you.
Martini Maker
Sometimes being a good friend means knowing when it's time to pull out those martini glasses. Whether it's to celebrate the bride's finally finding that perfect gown after fifteen scouting trips, or to blow off steam when the groom's mother says just the wrong thing at the wrong time--drinks are served! Or maybe you'll be the one to plan regular girls' nights out for laughter, dancing, and an escape from wedding world.
Diplomat
You use your diplomacy skills at work and in your family all the time, so perhaps you have the perfect solution to the steamroller-mom problem or the jealous-sister problem. When you can coach the bride with the perfect thing to say, or step in and stop bad behavior on behalf of the bride, you're single-handedly rescuing the wedding and the bride's sanity and happiness.
Network Facilitator
No, you're not setting up intricate computer systems. You're bringing all the great contacts in your own personal or business network to the bride and groom. One of the top ways brides and grooms can plan the big, beautiful weddings of their dreams is by tapping into their own and extended personal contacts to get discounts, special favors, or just suggestions on great vendors and resources. Your networking can save them thousands of dollars.
Personal Trainer
The big trend in getting fit and gorgeous for the wedding day is a healthier approach to diet and health. That counts not just for the bride but for you as well. So what better way for you all to get in shape for the wedding than by teaming up and working out together? You might sign up for a bridal boot camp class at the gym, take Pilates classes together, even sign up for online diet and fitness programs at sites like www.shape.com and www.FitToBeTied.com. If you only have time to cheer her on, you can be a valuable part of her support system and increase her chances of reaching her fitness and health goals before the wedding.
Go-To Girl
Sometimes the bride needs a last-minute rescue. It might be going to pick up a relative at the airport when a flight is rescheduled. It might be running out to buy more ice cubes in the middle of an outdoor wedding. It might be a last-second call when the bride is sick and can't get out to pick up her rental items. In any case, you earn many gold stars (and her eternal gratitude) by doing what you can to help her out.
Glue-Gun Goddess
Here's where your crafting expertise comes into play. If you're a master of the glue gun, the diva of decoupage, or can build a chuppah out of wood and green garlands better than any designer, then your skills are a gift to the bride and groom. So much money can be saved on the wedding through do-it-yourself-ing, and the bride may not have the skills or time to make her own favors, decor, centerpieces, invitations, and programs. When you have a talent to lend, you're a godsend to the bride and groom. Some couples are so grateful, they call your contribution your wedding gift to them ... saving you a few hundred dollars on items from their registry. It's a win-win!
Bodyguard
Sometimes the bride needs to be protected from people who stress her out or make her angry. It might be a lunatic relative or a bitterly jealous bridesmaid (who's about to become an ex-bridesmaid), but there are times when you just need to step in front of the upset bride and give her some space. Who knew that a helmet and shoulder pads would be needed during the wedding planning process? Sadly, it does happen that some people just push too hard, and some get downright vicious when they're not getting their way. If you can steer that angry aunt away from the bride at the shower, you can save the day.
Reality-Checker
With her emotions swirling, the wedding taking on a life of its own, and so many people coming at her from so many different directions with questions, requests, and judgments about her wedding plans, the bride can easily get swallowed up by the whirlwind. She can lose her perspective about the bigger issues -- we're getting married! -- and lock onto all the smaller details, worries, and ever-building stress from tossing one full-time job (planning the wedding) on top of her other full-time jobs (her career, family, school, parenting, etc.). It can all be too much sometimes. That's where you step in as the voice of reason and the courier of a much-needed Reality Check.
It might take your sense of humor ("Hey, in a year you won't even remember the colorof the ribbons on the bouquets! Don't forget...you're marrying a great guy!") or a more pointed approach ("Helllooooo! What do you care what Sarah thinks? She's not getting married, you are!"). Brides that I've spoken to have said how much they appreciated it when their bridesmaids returned them to their senses and helped them get their priorities back in line. That's what friends are for.
And of course, you may find yourself in other roles along the way: business deal negotiator, language translator at multicultural weddings, and general comic relief. Whatever your job description, whatever your role, you're a priceless part of the wedding experience for the bride and the groom.
Click here for a list of bridesmaid responsibilities
Excerpted from The Bridesmaid Handbook by Sharon Naylor. © 2005 Source Books.