Q

Dear Julie,

My fiance has three potential groomsmen: his brother (the best man), his friend and possibly one more friend. That sounds fine to me because I think it?s normal to have two or three guys, if not more, standing up at a wedding. But unfortunately, I don't know many women, so I can't come up with any bridesmaids. We're new to the area, and I am a very keep-to-myself type of person. I'm not shy; I just prefer my space and privacy. I come from a very small family, and most of my cousins are men. Plus, we weren't close growing up because they always lived out of state. My fiance has one female cousin, but I've only met her a couple of times. I suppose I could ask my mother to be my maid of honor since we are very good friends, but what should I do about the other one, possibly two, bridesmaids I will need?

Thanks,
Darian


A

Dear Darian,

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I think we can turn your problem around. The engagement period is stressful enough without having to fish around for new friends, let alone trying to cozy up to long-lost cousins just to fill a spot on a groomsman's arm. If you are marrying your best friend, you'll be set for life. As for the wedding, you do not have to match your future mate in the number of attendants. My husband had more attendants than I did. So the bridal party photo was a bit guy-heavy -- oh well. I don't have any regrets. I'm still close to the women I asked to stand by me. If you are close to your mother, you can ask her to be a bridesmaid. You can include children, or even bridesmen, if you wish. Just make sure that you are surrounded by people you love -- people you will want to see in pictures when you look back decades from now.


I advise all brides-to-be to choose attendants for the right reasons. If you ask someone to stand up for you, do it because you want to, not because you feel you have to. Has she been there for you through the good and the bad? Do you see this person in your life years from now? Does she hold a special place in your heart? Does she support your relationship with your fiance?

Of course, you don?t have to have bridesmaids ?stand up? for you at all. You can ask your attendants to walk down the aisle and then sit in the front row so they can watch the ceremony.

And there are benefits to not having bridesmaids:

  • You don't have to worry about picking out a dress to flatter every figure and please every person.


  • You don't have to stress about whether or not your attendants will get along with each other, especially when planning the shower and bachelorette party.


  • You don't have to fret about your attendants spending a lot of money on you for gifts and a shower.


  • You don't have to lose friends because you delegated too many duties to them on your big day.


  • Whether you choose to have a small bridal party of, say, one, or no bridesmaids at all, if you follow your heart, you will have a perfect and unique wedding.

    Best,
    Julie