What You Need to Know about Hosting a Bridal Shower

Wedding Shower Basics

A wedding shower is an intimate gathering of friends and family to extend warm wishes and "shower" gifts on the bride or the couple. While in the past it was considered self-serving for an immediate family member to throw a shower, these days it's perfectly acceptable for the mother (or sister) of the bride or groom to host a shower--particularly if the bride is visiting her future in-laws and the groom's mother wants hometown friends to meet her. Alternatively, a shower may be hosted by a good friend of the couple or friends of the couple's parents. One ironclad rule: A couple never hosts a shower for themselves.

A Mom's Wedding Shower Primer

Whether you're hosting a shower or attending a shower that's being hosted by someone else, here are some tips to keep in mind:

• Format. A shower can take any form the host chooses--a casual gathering with light snacks, a brunch or supper (sit-down or buffet), an afternoon tea, or an evening get-together. The honoree should be consulted about the date, time and guest list (unless the shower is a surprise), but the actual party planning is left up to the host.



• When is a shower held? Ideally the shower should be scheduled two months to two weeks before the wedding, after the couple has firm wedding plans. It may be held on any day that's convenient for the guest of honor, the hostess, and the majority of guests.



• Who is invited? The guests are generally close friends, attendants, and family members. These days, couples showers--attended by both women and men--have become increasingly popular. Normally, anyone invited to a shower should also be invited to the wedding. One exception is when coworkers throw an office shower for the bride. In this case, it's usually understood that attendees will not necessarily be invited to the wedding.



• Is it all right to hold more than one shower? As a general rule, two wedding showers are the limit (excluding office showers), with different guests invited to each. Parents, close family members, and wedding attendants can certainly be invited to more than one shower, but it should be made clear that they're not expected to give more than one gift.



• How should invitations be issued? Usually the hostess sends out handwritten notes or preprinted invitations with the details filled in. Invitations may also be issued in person, over the phone, or via e-mail. Record the date, time, and location of all bridal showers in your Address Book.