While etiquette used to dictate that the mother-of-the bride could not host a bridal shower, today it is perfectly acceptable for moms to take charge and plan their daughter's shower. Whether this is the first bridal shower you're hosting, or you just need a quick brushing up on bridal shower basics, Emily Post's Wedding Planner for Moms by Peggy Post has the answers to all your bridal shower questions.

Planning at a Glance

Just for Moms
  • Determine who is planning to host a shower for the bride or the couple.
  • Confer with the couple to come up with a guest list for the host(s).

For the Couple
  • When asked, prepare a shower guest list for anyone planning to host a shower.
  • Thank everyone who gave gifts, both in person and again in writing.
  • Give a thank-you gift to the host(s), then follow up with a thank-you call and a note.

Click here for Wedding Shower Basics. Wedding Shower Basics

A wedding shower is an intimate gathering of friends and family to extend warm wishes and "shower" gifts on the bride or the couple. While in the past it was considered self-serving for an immediate family member to throw a shower, these days it's perfectly acceptable for the mother (or sister) of the bride or groom to host a shower--particularly if the bride is visiting her future in-laws and the groom's mother wants hometown friends to meet her. Alternatively, a shower may be hosted by a good friend of the couple or friends of the couple's parents. One ironclad rule: A couple never hosts a shower for themselves.

A Mom's Wedding Shower Primer

Whether you're hosting a shower or attending a shower that's being hosted by someone else, here are some tips to keep in mind:

  • Format. A shower can take any form the host chooses--a casual gathering with light snacks, a brunch or supper (sit-down or buffet), an afternoon tea, or an evening get-together. The honoree should be consulted about the date, time and guest list (unless the shower is a surprise), but the actual party planning is left up to the host.


  • When is a shower held? Ideally the shower should be scheduled two months to two weeks before the wedding, after the couple has firm wedding plans. It may be held on any day that's convenient for the guest of honor, the hostess, and the majority of guests.


  • Who is invited? The guests are generally close friends, attendants, and family members. These days, couples showers--attended by both women and men--have become increasingly popular. Normally, anyone invited to a shower should also be invited to the wedding. One exception is when coworkers throw an office shower for the bride. In this case, it's usually understood that attendees will not necessarily be invited to the wedding.


  • Is it all right to hold more than one shower? As a general rule, two wedding showers are the limit (excluding office showers), with different guests invited to each. Parents, close family members, and wedding attendants can certainly be invited to more than one shower, but it should be made clear that they're not expected to give more than one gift.


  • How should invitations be issued? Usually the hostess sends out handwritten notes or preprinted invitations with the details filled in. Invitations may also be issued in person, over the phone, or via e-mail. Record the date, time, and location of all bridal showers in your Address Book.
The Etiquette of Shower Gifts While the opening of the presents is usually the high point of the shower, the real purpose is to assemble good friends to celebrate the upcoming marriage. Here are some gift guidelines to keep in mind:

  • In general, shower gifts should be relatively inexpensive. Homemade gifts, such as a collection of recipes, are perfectly okay.


  • Shower guests can purchase gifts from the wedding registry if they choose. While you shouldn't include registry information on the invitation, it's fine to enclose it on a separate sheet. The host can also make recommendations to people who ask for gift suggestions.


  • Some showers focus on a specific theme, such as kitchen showers (glasses, knives, utensils, etc.), cooking showers (gourmet foods and wines, cookbooks), spa showers (massage certificates, aromatherapy oils, candles), and lingerie showers. Any shower theme should be noted on the invitation. For lingerie showers, include the bride's sizes as well.


  • Gifts are generally opened after refreshments have been served. The guests gather around while the bride (or couple) opens the packages one by one and thanks the giver. The gifts are then typically passed around the room so that everyone can see them.


  • The bride (or couple) should give the host a thank-you gift--then follow up with a note.


  • The bride (or couple) should send thank-you notes to all shower guests-- lose a even if they've already been thanked in person at the shower. As a mom, you can help the couple out by keeping track of who gives what.
Stress Busting Tip: Easing the strain on guests' budgets

Shower gifts, combined with wedding gifts, can place a real financial strain on wedding guests. If this is a concern, you might suggest a low-priced gift theme. Some possibilities:

  • Book, CD or DVD showers: Perfect for lovers of reading, music and movies.
  • Recipe showers: Favorite recipes are written on recipe cards and collected in a box or file.
  • Pantry showers: Useful and/or exotic pantry supplies, such as spices, condiments, coffees, and teas.
  • Stock-the-bar showers: Basic bar components, such as measuring utensils, bottle openers, swizzle sticks, cocktail napkins, and tins of nuts.


Excerpted from Emily Post's Wedidng Planner for Moms by Peggy Post ©2007 HarperCollins Publishers