Have you ever seen a wedding bring out the worst in an otherwise reasonable woman? You're not alone! But tips like these, excerpted from Bridezilla, might help. Whether you're a bride-to-be or a frustrated guest, check out what authors Noe Spaemme and Jeanne Hamilton have to say about avoiding bridal shower brattiness right here:

1. One shower is great. Two showers are nice. Three showers are approaching greedy. Four showers make a Bridezilla.

2. The bride does not have to accept every offer for a shower and probably should not if she is blessedly popular. The hostess who is turned down for a shower may offer to host a non-gifting tea or cocktail party instead. If the bride refuses, then drop the matter. Surprise -- there will be some brides who do not want a lot of pre-wedding hoopla. Bless their little hearts!

3. The bride and hostess need to review the shower guest list together to make sure that 1) everyone invited to the shower is also invited to the wedding, and 2) no one is invited to the shower who has already been invited to another shower for the same bride.

4. Office showers are exempt from some of the rules. If co-workers are completely aware that they are not invited to the wedding and want to give a shower anyway, they may, and the bride does not need to feel shamed into inviting them to the wedding.

5. Family does not host showers. Not moms, future mothers-in-law, stepmoms, sisters (see exception below), or daughters.

6. Exceptions to the family does not host showers rule:
a) Sisters may co-host if they are also bridesmaids. But the shower should be held in a non-family location.
b) The groom's mother may host a shower if the bride is from far, far away and is moving to the groom's hometown and knows no one at all. The guests should be those who are in the groom's social circle and would be contemporaries of the bride and groom. This would double as the bride's introduction into the community.
c) Family may host a shower if the guest list is comprised of family only. Blood relatives.

7. Brides do not plan any part of their shower. Their pre-party contribution is to agree to a date and to review the guest list, and nothing more.

8. The multi-married bride should forgo showers. Of course, if the bride left behind all her worldly possessions when leaving a bad first marriage, then it would be appropriate to shower her for her new beginning. The same holds true for a widow who suffered total household devastation. But those who are doing nicely on their own prior to marrying again should exercise restraint and maturity and forgo the showers, since the purpose of a shower is to help the unestablished couple set up a home. This does not prevent the bride's friends from feting her with a tea, luncheon or other event if they wish.

9. Guests do not pay for the privilege of attending a shower. They are not to be asked to bring food and drink or to pay for the food and drink if the shower is held at a restaurant. The hostesses are entirely responsible for hosting the shower, and that includes footing the bill. If there are budgetary concerns, one may host a simple and elegant shower with nothing more than cake and punch in one's home. A shower need not be expensive to be exquisite.

10. Registry information is never included in shower invitations. The invitation may specify a theme, such as "kitchen shower", "tool shed shower", "lingerie shower", and so on, but never the location of a registry. Guests are always free to shop where they will and purchase what they will. If a guest wants to know registry information, the guest will ask.

11. FYI: Gifts at a shower are not lavish. Gifts are typically small and more on the token side. After all, shower guests will also be wedding guests and are obligated to send a more significant wedding gift as well.

12. While a verbal expression of thanks for a gift received at a shower is sufficient, most people don't know that and get really offended if a note of thanks is not sent. Send thank-you notes. Promptly. Thank-you notes are written on plain paper or note cards. They do not ever come preprinted, not even with THANK YOU screaming across the front. Thank-you notes are always handwritten unless one has a disability and must use a typewriter. Thank-you notes are to be in the mail absolutely no later than two weeks after the shower and certainly before the wedding. If the shower was co-ed, the groom is expected write his share of the thanks. But if he doesn't, then the bride must pick up the slack and make sure that everyone is duly thanked.

13. Speaking of thanks, brides must thank their hostesses in writing. Those notes should be the first ones written and mailed. It is not necessary to give "hostess gifts", but one may do so if so inclined. Such a gift could be a bouquet of flowers, a box of candy, or some other gift the bride knows the hostess will enjoy.