by Eileen Livers and Monica Bernstein

 
My sophomore year in college, my two best friends were killed by a drunk driver. There is an empty place in my wedding party because every plan I ever made as a young girl for my wedding included my two best friends. I would appreciate any ideas on how I can make their presence and importance in my life known in my ceremony. I want it to be tactful, but I want everyone to know that, if they were alive, they would be up there with me. --R

our experts say:

Dear R:

We're so sorry for your loss. It's lovely that you wish to honor your friends at your ceremony. There are several good ways to do this. You may wish to place a photograph of your friends in a nice frame up at the altar with you. You could position it on a small table next to the other bridesmaids. However, this may call more attention to them (and their not being there) than you want during the ceremony. Instead, perhaps you would prefer the photo to be placed elsewhere, such as on the guest book table or on the table where your bridesmaids will sit. If you know of a song or poem your friends loved, you may wish to include it in your ceremony or have it written out in your program. Speaking of programs, if you have one, that's an excellent place to honor lost loved ones. You can simply write something about how much you're thinking about them on this day and how much they meant to you.

Some other ideas we've heard from iVillagers include: lighting a candle in your friends' memory; writing in your program that the flowers at the altar are in loving memory of your friends; presenting the mothers of the deceased with flowers; having a moment of silence during the ceremony; playing a song that was a favorite of your friends' or that best reflects your love for them; saying a prayer in memory of them; including the mothers of your friends in your bridal party or simply asking them to walk down the aisle during the processional or recessional.

We hope this helps,

The Wedding Women



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