by Eileen Livers and Monica Bernstein

Q

Dear Wedding Women:

I'm looking for ideas for vows for a pagan handfasting ceremony. I'm a solitary pagan who believes very strongly in the privacy of my spirituality; my fiance is a non-practicing Christian and very open-minded. We've decided on a handfasting ceremony to celebrate our engagement and to create a spiritual bond through my faith. We'll have a Christian wedding ceremony about a year later, so we can create the spiritual bond through his faith as well. (And please our families.) I'm planning a simple ceremony outdoors; many of our friends will be in attendance, and a dear friend of us both will be acting as priestess. I'm stuck about the vows though; I just don't know how to word what I want to say. Do you know of any sources?

Fighterchick



A

Dear Fighterchick:

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! I'm impressed with the way you and your fiance have discussed your different spiritual beliefs and managed to come to an agreement about the kind of ceremonies you want to have and what they mean to you. It's also especially kind of you to consider your families. Lots of people forget that weddings are meaningful to family members as well as the bride and groom.

As far as vows go, I know how it feels not to be able to find the right words to say at such an important moment. My husband and I wrote our own vows for our ceremony, and it took us a long time to come up with what we thought were the "right" words for us. The good news is that there are many books on the market specifically designed to solve your problem. Here are some good ones to try:

With These Vows, I Thee Wed: Contemporary Vows for Today's Couples by Barbara Eklof
Wedding Poems and Quotations edited by Rosemary Fox
Words for Your Wedding: The Wedding Service Book
Interfaith Wedding Ceremonies: Samples and Sources by Joan Hawxhurst
Wedding Vows: How to Express Your Love in Your Own Words by Peg Kehret
I Do: A Guide to Creating Your Own Unique Ceremony by Sydney Barbara Metrick
Wedding Readings: Centuries of Writing and Rituals for Love and Marriage by Eleanor C. Munro
Write Your Own Wedding by Brill, Halpin, and Genne

In addition to those books, you may find a poem, song or excerpt from a novel that moves you, and you may want to recite that at your wedding. There are many poets and novelists who have written wonderful prose appropriate for wedding ceremonies. Some suggestions: William Shakespeare, John Donne, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Robert Browning, Percy Bysshe Shelley, E.E. Cummings, Maya Angelou, Emily Dickinson, John Keats, William Carlos Williams, Robert Frost and John Updike. Good luck!