by Eileen Livers and Monica Bernstein

Q

Dear Wedding Women:

My extended family doesn't get together often. One of my cousins, whom I haven't seen in eight years, is getting married this summer. My invitation didn't state "and a guest." Since I feel that they didn't take into consideration whether I'm in a relationship, is it okay to bring a date?

Pcindi



A

Dear Pcindi:

Unless your cousin's wedding invitation was specifically addressed to you "and guest," you were not invited to bring a date. Which means you should not show up with one. Doing so would be unfair to the bride and groom -- not to mention your date, who surely wouldn't want to be put in the embarrassing position of being unwelcome.

Sure, the option to bring a date would've been nice. But you weren't invited with one, quite likely because of budget or space constraints. And, unless you're married, engaged or living with a boyfriend, the bride and groom did nothing wrong (or rude) by asking you to attend their celebration solo. Besides, your family (whom you presumably love and enjoy) will be there. It's not as if you'll be sitting in a corner knowing no one!

Although The Wedding Women aren't crazy about the idea, if you feel really (really, really) strongly that not saying something will put a damaging rift in your relationship, then you might call your cousin. Calmly, and well before the RSVP deadline. Explain that you realize he didn't know you're in a serious relationship, and ask about the possibility of bringing your significant other to the wedding. Don't be accusatory. Don't be demanding. Don't back your cousin into the corner. Tell him you'll understand if he says no, and don't make him make the decision on the spot. Suggest he think about it, talk it over with the bride, and call you back with an answer. And if he says no, be gracious and understanding. The event, after all, is about his and his bride's relationship -- not yours.