After he's popped the question and you've said yes (or maybe the other way around!), things only get more exciting. Next it's time to spread the news. The big question: Where to start? Use our step-by-step guide that comes in two parts: telling the family and sending your news to the local paper.
Families First
Your families should be the first to hear the news of your engagement. If you live near your parents or are planning an upcoming visit, you may wish to tell each set of parents in person. If you have a close relationship with each other's parents, it's fine to tell them together as a couple. If you're not too familiar with each other's parents, or if you're not sure how your parents will react, it may be wise for each of you to relay the news to your own parents privately. Some grooms prefer to uphold the tradition of speaking with the bride's father and asking for his blessing before making the engagement official. Do whatever suits your family situation best.
Traditionally, the groom's parents call and congratulate the bride's parents after both families have been informed of the engagement. They may also invite the bride's family (along with the bride and groom) over for a celebratory, getting-to-know-each-other meal at this time. After you've told your parents, don't forget to share your happiness with your siblings. Call or give them the good news in person.
If either of you have children from a previous relationship, you'll naturally want to tell them your plans -- and do it soon so that they don't hear the news from anyone else. Use the same guidelines as you would to break the news to your parents: Children who are familiar with a parent's new partner can be told by both of you together; those who aren't as comfortable with a parent's new mate or who may have questions or reservations might best be told privately.
With young kids, it's helpful to come armed with answers: When and where the wedding will take place, what role each child will play in the event (flower girl, etc.) and how the wedding will affect your family life and living situation. Also assure your children that they will remain a priority in your life.
On the next page: Informing Your Inner Circle and Coworkers
If one of you is divorced or has children with an ex, it's also wise to inform him or her of your plans. If you're on speaking terms, a phone call is fine. Otherwise, write a short letter giving your ex all the relevant details. This is important so that he or she doesn't show surprise after hearing about your engagement from your children, and so that your children aren't put in a position of having to answer questions about Mommy or Daddy's wedding plans.
Informing Your Inner Circle and Coworkers
After you've told your immediate family the news, go ahead and pick up the phone or send out an email to let close friends in on the excitement. There's no need to make an official announcement at work or to formally tell your boss, but don't be surprised if your coworkers ooh and ah and make a big deal over your ring and this exciting turn of events. Try to limit talk of your engagement to your lunch hour, setting a precedent early on that your wedding planning won't interfere with your professional responsibilities.
Putting it in Print
Publishing the news of your engagement in one or both of your hometown papers as well as the cities in which you live and work is a fun and efficient way to spread the word. You may also wish to inform your college alumni publications of your engagement. An engagement announcement may be printed anytime after the couple is engaged, although closer than two months to the wedding date is not advised; at that point, it's better to hold off and print just a wedding announcement instead.
Each publication is bound to have its own rules for printing the information about your engagement. Generally this is handled by the lifestyle department; you'll want to call and ask what steps you need to take to have your news printed and who to send the information to. Most announcements include a black-and-white picture of a specific size (generally 8x10 or 5x7; remember to ask whether it will be returned), along with basic information about the two of you: your ages, where you were each educated, where each you work, who your parents are, and any details you may have about your wedding plans. If the bride plans to keep her maiden name, this may also be included in the announcement.
On the next page: Writing the Announcement
Some papers may insist that you include information regarding having been widowed or recently divorced. If you find yourself in this situation, you may think it best to refrain from printing an engagement announcement and, instead, wait for your wedding announcement to share your good news in print.
Think about how you want your announcement to be worded. Do you want the news to come from your parents? (Mr. and Mrs. John Smith announce the engagement of their daughter ...) From the two of you? (Jane Smith, a teacher for Oak Elementary, is to be married in May to John Doe ...) Use who'll be hosting your wedding and how you'll want the invitations to read as your guide. Etiquette books can give you examples of how to word the announcement to best reflect your situation.
You'll probably need to submit your engagement announcement to each publication typed and double-spaced on standard-sized paper. Be sure to include your home address and phone number, as well as a daytime phone number so that the publication can call you to verify information or ask questions. (Naturally, this information should not be published but you may want to write "not for publication" next to it, just in case.) If you'll be enclosing a photograph (this may be optional) with your engagement announcement, make certain to slip a stiff piece of cardboard in the envelope to keep it from bending or being otherwise ruined in the mail.
Are you including an engagement photo? Read the Wedding Women's Engagement Photo How-tos
Have a question for the Wedding Women? Head to the Ask the Wedding Women message board. Or read through the Wedding Women archives.
