Whose Wedding Is It, Anyway?

Unless you run away to Vegas or slink down to City Hall on your lunch break, your wedding won't happen in a vacuum. Once you start letting your friends and family in on your wedding plans, you may be in for a shock. Since they involve so many traditions, weddings can bring out the hidden traditionalist trapped inside even the most progressive people. Don't be surprised if your otherwise reasonably hip siblings, parents, or coworkers suddenly start asking if you've picked out your china pattern, or what song you and your dad are going to dance to at the reception.

Getting the wedding you want - as opposed to the wedding your parents or in-laws think you should have - requires determination, diplomacy, and cash. First off, try to believe that those who are driving you crazy are doing it out of love, not just because they have control issues. Maybe lack of money, wartime, or family opposition prevented your mom from getting the wedding she wanted, and now she's determined to see your wedding done right. Maybe your dad shakes his head at your vintage dress; where you see beautiful tailoring, your father sees someone else's old clothes and feels ashamed for you.

You love your relatives and your friends, and you want them there to celebrate and support your commitment, your responsibility, and your incredibly good luck in finding your soul mate. But just as so many of the traditions of the wedding ceremony focus on the couple's creation of a new family unit, the real center of the wedding is you, your spouse, and the person who conducts your ceremony. The three of you are the people who really matter; everyone else's presence is a gift.

Learn how to Pick Your Battles