Anyone else have a difficult mom -- or have the wedding bring out the worst in Mom? My mom and I are in several battles over dangling vs. post earrings for the bridesmaids (I'm not kidding); seating arrangements for the bridal party; my shoes; and the type of music to be played at the reception. Ack! Like I really need any extra stress! I've tried the "It's MY DAY" thing, but my mother is paying for the entire thing, so that doesn't really fly. She insists that she's only being picky to make sure everyone has a wonderful time -- and I know she means well -- but she's driving me nuts. My fiance and I are starting to feel as if we have no say in anything. I've tried talking to her, pleading, reasoning with her -- sigh. I guess I just want to know if anyone else is going through the same thing.

our experts say:

You're definitely not alone in your predicament. Lots of brides find themselves battling over big and little wedding issues with their parents (especially moms), other relatives and even with friends. You say your mom insists that her planning pushiness is all in an effort to ensure that everyone has a wonderful time. Here's what could also be going on: Your mom may be trying to control elements of your wedding in an effort to hold onto you. To parents, planning a wedding is like a neon sign announcing that their little girl or boy has grown up. Sure, they knew this already, but now that you're getting married, they can't pretend you're still a baby anymore. Another possibility is simply that your mom feels really strongly about those wedding elements she is driving you crazy about -- the bridesmaids' earrings, your shoes, the music. But more likely, she just wants to be involved and help out. Since you've already tried talking to her, now is the time to ask yourself how important the earrings, shoes and music are to you; in other words, focus on your wedding priorities. The aspects of your wedding that you and your fiance feel the strongest about are the ones you should fight for, even if it means going against your mom's wishes. Tell her -- nicely and with respect -- that you appreciate all of her help and advice and enthusiasm but that you and your fiance feel it's important to make some wedding decisions on your own. Your engagement is a natural time for you both to separate more from your parents, and this can take some getting used to by everyone. But you and your fiance owe it to yourselves and to your relationship to stand up for yourselves and your wedding priorities. If the earrings, shoes and music are not at the top of your priority list, however, then it's a good idea to let your mom have some say (maybe a compromise is in order, or maybe her way isn't really so disagreeable to you). Remember that although it is your wedding, weddings are a family affair, and as the payer of the bills, your mom does deserve some control if she wants it. We hope this helps. Good luck! The Wedding Women

53 member responses

members say:

---

---