by Eileen Livers and Monica Bernstein

Q

"My mom and dad can only afford to have 200 or fewer people at our wedding, but my future mother-in-law will not take 'no' for an answer. We told them that they could only make a guest list with 100 people on it and everyone agreed. But now that we are in the process of making the list, my future mother-in-law has 160 people on her list. Every time I remind her of the limit, she says that she knows, and if I say it again I am going to offend her. She says that not all of the people are going to come anyway, so it doesn't matter how many invitations go out. But how can we count on that? My parents are getting upset, and so am I. How do we tell her she has to take people off the list without causing a family feud? She is making life crazy!" --iVillager billyilove



A

Dear billyilove:

Typically, you can count on 15 to 20 percent of invitees sending their regrets. Still, you're right not to over invite and take chances that your future mother-in-law's predictions regarding who will and won't come are wrong.

This is your fiance's mother, so he should be the one handling the problem, not you. If you are the one continuously arguing about this with her, you may do irreparable damage to your relationship. She's sure to be more forgiving with her own son, even if it takes a little while.

For starters, have him suggest that she host a cocktail reception for the two of you after you return from your honeymoon so that the overflow of people who can't be included in the main event still get to celebrate your marriage and share in your joy. This, hopefully, will appease her.

If it won't, your fiance (not you!) needs to tell his mom, in no uncertain terms, to cut down her list. If she won't do it, he should tell her that he's going to do it for her and that she won't have any say in the matter.

The only other option is, if there's space, to tell her she can have additional guests if she's willing to pay for them herself.

Hope this helps,

The Wedding Women