by Julie Dubin

Q

Dear Julie,

My fiancee and I work together, which makes inviting coworkers slightly complicated. Since our parents are paying for our wedding, we decided to keep the work invites simple: We're only inviting those who work on one of our teams. And per our wedding planner's advice, the only guests (coworker or not) who are invited to bring a date are those who are either living with someone, married or in our bridal party.

The problem is that one of our coworkers said I was rude and disrespectful for not inviting her boyfriend, who moved in with her one month ago. I apologized and explained that I was not aware of their relationship status -- and that we are not paying for the wedding. But she said that she's been talking to other coworkers and they're all horrified because they think it's proper etiquette to allow every guest to bring a date. I disagree. Am I wrong?

Adam



A

Adam,

Your office friend was out of line. It's your wedding, and you get to invite whomever you want. Remember, you are not getting married to ensure that other people are happy. Whether you invite single friends with guests or without them really depends on your budget and what you and your fiancee want to do. Most couples I've talked to struggle with making the cut when it comes to the guest list. You can't invite everybody. Just try not to let this woman's pushiness ruin your celebration.


Since weddings are so expensive, people usually understand that you can't invite the world. Here are tips on who doesn't have to be on the list:

1. Acquaintances. You don't have to invite people just because you're in touch with them. You may have some friends you see often at the gym or coffee shop, but that doesn't mean they need to be invited to your wedding. If you feel awkward not inviting them, just explain that you are having a small wedding.

2. Distant relatives. Don't feel compelled to invite your fourth cousin through marriage and other relatives if you've only met once in your life.

3. Coworkers. You aren't required to invite work colleagues just because you see them every day and they've heard you talk incessantly about your wedding plans. Besides, if they are just work friends, it probably would be uncomfortable for them to be invited to an event where you're the only person they know.

Enjoy!

Best,
Julie