Are you planning on having kids in the wedding? Have you asked your nieces and nephews to be your flower girls and ring bearers? Or do you want an "adult only" reception? From who pays for the kids outfits to how to tell guests their kids aren't invited, we have the answers to the most commonly asked kids in the wedding questions.
Q. Is the bride expected to pay for the flower girl and ring bearer's attire?
A. Just as for the adult members of your wedding party, agreeing to be in the wedding generally also means agreeing to buy an outfit. Usually, child attendants' parents pay for their clothes, but you might choose to purchase a flower girl's dress or ring bearer's suit as a gift. Decide how you're going to handle it, then go ahead and bring this up at the same time you ask the parents' permission for the tykes to be in the wedding. That way, there's no chance of a misunderstanding.
Q. How do we inform guests that only adults 18 and over are invited to our reception? Is it okay to write "adult reception" on the invitations?
A. It's completely legitimate to want an adults-only reception, especially for an evening affair. And most parents of young children will jump at the chance for a night out without the kids. Even so, this is a sensitive topic, and putting "adult reception" on invites is not the answer. It seems like the easiest way to deal, but it's a little too in-your-face, so you should take a more subtle tack. First, tell your parents, wedding party, and other close relatives and friends, so they can spread the word if any guests ask them.
Second, the people whose names are on your invitations are the only people invited to the wedding (i.e., "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe" means just the couple; "The Doe Family" means little Suzie can come too). Most guests will take note of this and RSVP for just themselves. Others are not so observant and will RSVP that three guests will attend, even though only two were invited. This is how you'll know if they think children (or random other people, for that matter) can come.
If a guest calls and asks about bringing children, you'll want to explain that because of "budget constraints" (always the best excuse, even if it's not true) you decided to invite only adults. If you meet with anger or exasperation -- and you might -- don't back down. It's your decision as to who's invited to the wedding. Whatever you do, don't make exceptions. Don't let Suzie tag along just to get off the phone with Jane Doe -- otherwise little Johnny's parents will notice.
Try to understand that some may be genuinely surprised or hurt, and be understanding, but don't give in. If it becomes a real problem with a lot of guests, look into hiring a babysitter or two to care for kids during the reception. They can have a pizza party -- way cheaper than having them at the reception, and everyone will be happy.
Q. Is a 2 1/2-year-old too young to be a flower girl?
A. There is really no age limit because maturity levels can vary greatly from child to child. Some people tend not to incorporate children quite so young in their ceremonies because their actions can be, well, unpredictable. But others find it adds a charming touch when their precious flower girl decides to chomp on a few rose petals rather than throw them. It all depends on the little you'd be better off choosing a child a few years older. For a toddler though, it's always best if she can set her sights on Mom and Dad standing near the altar so that she is motivated to walk toward them. You could also have her walk down the aisle holding her mom or dad's hand during the processional. You may also want to make sure that when your little petal-tosser is done with her aisle walk she sits with an assigned relative (grandma and grandpa?) for the remainder of the ceremony. Just trust your instincts, and whatever you choose will be fine.
-- The Knot
RELATED LINK: Top 10 guest mistakes -- and how to deal