Invitation-list battles

I have a dilemma. My fiance and I are planning a small courthouse wedding with a small reception dinner afterwards. The ceremony was only planned about a month or so in advance and was only supposed to have parents attending to keep costs down. The wedding has now become bigger than anticipated because my fiance's family wants more people to come. I have a very small family. The problem is that my aunt and uncle and I are not close at all. My parents and I do not get along with them, and we see them maybe once or twice a year. I really do not want to invite them to my wedding. Now my grandmother is saying that she is not going to come unless I invite my aunt and uncle. I feel my grandmother needs to be there; I am her first granddaughter and maybe the last she will see get married. I say that this is MY one and only wedding and I should be able to invite anyone I want to and not invite anyone I want to without the rest of the family getting upset. I would love some advice.

ragtoplady

our experts say:

Dear ragtoplady:

Inviting or not inviting certain family members seems to be a theme around here. We usually try to convince the wedding couple and their families to repair ruined relationships before the wedding so that everyone can be invited and enjoy the wedding. Weddings are, after all, family celebrations, and hurt or angry feelings that result from actions such as not inviting someone can last a lifetime. By not inviting your aunt and uncle, you risk completely ruining any relationship, no matter how distant, you have with them. In fact, they may never forgive you for rejecting them that way. You also risk upsetting your grandmother and perhaps motivating her to miss your special day.

On the flip side, we also believe that no one should be invited to a wedding who will make the bride or groom or their families uncomfortable or unhappy on such a special day. That said, it seems it is time for you to weigh the pros and cons of inviting your aunt and uncle against not inviting them. Would two more people, especially the two of them, ruin your wedding day for you? Or is it more likely that their presence will not faze you at all, and you will be able to thoroughly enjoy your wedding day and feel good about making your grandmother happy? Speaking of her, if it turns out that you do not invite your aunt and uncle, you will need to explain your reasons to your grandmother and tell her how important her presence is to you. Then you will just have to hope that she understands and accepts your decision and attends your wedding.

We hope this helps. Best of luck to you, and congratulations on your marriage!

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