Excerpted from GETTING MARRIED WHEN IT'S NOT YOUR FIRST TIME
"Another wedding -- what will people think?" Take it from four-time "encore" bride and author of Getting Married When It's Not Your First Time Pamela Hill Nettleton: With a little humor and some sage planning advice, the second-time bride can overcome her second-time jitters and have the day of her dreams -- again. Take a look at her guide to getting over these pre-planning jitters, then ask her your own questions on the Second-Time Brides message board, where Pamela is our guest host this month.
Life is just full of surprises, isn't it?
Do you remember a time when you were sure you could never feel this way again? And now, here you are, as happy as a teenager.
Congratulations!
Now, what are you worrying about?
Worries about Marrying Again
"I'm too old to be a bride!"
No, you're not. Once upon a time, the average age of a bride was 18 or 19. Today, it's 26 or 27 and getting older all the time.
Why? It's true that many people are getting married for the first time at a later stage in their lives. But the number of second marriages is also rising, and third and fourth marriages are no longer rarities that occur only in Hollywood. More than 30 percent of weddings today involve at least one partner who was married before.
Second weddings are hot. Second weddings are more sophisticated, cooler, funkier, more fun. They are more shamelessly romantic, in the way only two people who already know what a 3am feeding is like can be. You, my dear, are not alone.
"The bridal salon consultant will laugh at me!"
"The bridal salon consultant will laugh at me!"
No, she won't. Bridal salons, ring designers, florists, caterers, and dress designers have noticed that you are one of a swiftly multiplying number of women: encore brides. They are reconfiguring their businesses to appeal to you. A 40-year-old is not an uncommon sight in a bridal salon, nor is a 50-or 60-year-old. And if you're 70, honey, bless your heart.
"What will people (my children, my ex, my family, my friends) think?"
Your children and your future stepchildren will need extra love and support from both you and your fiance. Tips, guidance, and advice from both stepparents and stepchildren are offered in the chapters to come.
Your ex-spouse could be a little irritant or a big problem, but if he was supportive of you and your choices, he wouldn't be your ex, now, would he? The next chapter is devoted to how to deal with him and how to deal with your fiance's ex, too.
If your husband died, you may be worried about what his parents and family will think. There's advice ahead for you, as well.
Your parents and siblings, I hope, have your best interests at heart and will share your joy and happiness.
Your friends are probably reminding you that you stormed around for months after your divorce, swearing you'd never walk down the aisle again. They may be a little jealous. After all, you've found love all over again. Lucky you!
"What if I fail again?"
Well, you've changed. Remember that you have a tremendous advantage now that you didn't have the last time you thought about marriage: You are older, wiser, and more experienced. You've survived the end of a major love partnership. You've lost love and regained it. You can use what you've learned to create a new, lasting relationship. Your new marriage can be anything you two make it. You have the strengths you each developed in your previous relationships, and you have the new combined strengths you've developed together.
Congratulations!
From Getting Married When It's Not Your First Time © 2001 Pamela Hill Nettleton. Used with permission of HarperCollins Publishers.
