Who's paying for the wedding? How big is your wedding budget? Who has the final say? When it comes to the wedding budget there are a lot of important questions that need to get answered. Below are the solutions to the three most common wedding budget questions so you have one less thing to worry about.
Q. My fiance and my parents have agreed to split the costs of the whole wedding and reception (yay!). Now how do we figure out who pays for what? Are there rules we should follow?
A. In days of yore, the rules about who pays for what were much more strict. The bride's family footed the bill for the invitations, announcements, wedding consultant, gown and accoutrements, reception (including site, food, flowers, photographs, videographer, and music), and transportation for the wedding party. The groom's family paid for the marriage license, officiant, bride's bouquet, boutonnieres, rehearsal dinner, and honeymoon. Today, the division of financial duties is far more fluid. Maybe one side feels strongly about the flowers, while the other side feels strongly about the band -- so go ahead and split it up that way. See what's on your agenda, then find ways to make it even. Feel free to come up with a game plan that works for you!
Q. Nearly all of our guests are flying in from out of town, and several are coming in a day early. We've reserved blocks of hotel rooms, but do we also have to arrange transportation in some way? I don't know how we'll do it, with everyone coming at different times, but my fiance thinks we have to.
A. Though you might arrange transportation for some extra-special guests (e.g., asking your brother to pick up your 90-year-old grandma), you do not need to feel compelled to arrange transportation for every last guest. It would be impractical for you at the best of times, and one or two days before your wedding, let's face it -- you're going to have way more crucial stuff to juggle. That said, you could still be a gracious host. In your save-the-dates, wedding newsletter, or on your wedding Web site, do include information on airport transportation to and from every hotel. This can include public transportation options, where to catch a cab, and, most importantly, about how much each will cost (that way no one will have to worry whether they have enough cash on them). Also, check with the hotels you've reserved rooms at to see whether they provide any sort of airport shuttle service; if they do, definitely clue in your guests, then cross another task off your list!
Q. With the exception of a few specific expenses, my parents are paying for my sister's wedding. There seems to be some confusion on etiquette -- what level of decision-making power does this extend to my parents vs. my sister and her fiance? My mom sometimes feels she's being treated like an ATM. On the other hand, the "I'm the hostess" position she's taking often seems a little selfish. Could you please explain the proper level of decision-making power of the host and hostess (i.e., Mom and Dad)?
A. Ah, if only a book quantified the hosts' proper decision-making power. When parents are paying, they should have some say -- the bride and groom should not take financial help for granted and think they can do exactly what they want without consulting mom and dad (the ATM sensibility you mentioned). In a perfect world, parents want their kids to have the wedding of their dreams, but in reality, the wedding day is also important to mom and dad, and since they're paying they have a stake in what the party will and should be like. Some parents want to be in control, while others are more than happy to write the check and let their kids deal with planning. There's no black or white here -- it's a very gray area, depending on the families involved. It sounds like you're the referee, so you might want to bring both sides together for a good heart-to-heart. Maybe your mom needs to tell your sister how she's making her feel, and sis should tell Mom what's really important to her about the wedding, so they can compromise instead of playing tug-of-war. Good luck!
-- The Knot
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