Dear Erin:

I'm altogether opposed to the "wedding-as-fundraiser" concept, and it seems you're not totally comfortable with it, either. So avoid money trees and such methods. That doesn't mean you must open yourself to the possibility (or inevitability?) of a hundred toasters, though.

That is what family and bridesmaids are for. Chances are excellent that your guests will query them for wedding-gift wisdom on your behalf. When asked, they can say something like, "You know, they seem so focused on saving for a down payment on a house that I've never heard her mention things she'd like to have. I'm sure whatever you do will delight them, because it came from you."

Then, whatever you receive, make sure to be delighted. Remember to send a thank-you note. And don't be disappointed when you receive "stuff" instead of greenbacks. Money gifts are not the easiest to give. To some, they seem dreadfully impersonal and also set up unconscious competition among the givers. Besides, once you have your house -- and I am certain you will -- you might find yourself eternally grateful for that linen tablecloth or those beautiful candlesticks you'd never have splurged for on your own.