by Eileen Livers and Monica Bernstein

Q

I'm attending a bridal luncheon, and I'm not sure whether a gift is appropriate. If so, what type of gift? I've already bought a wedding gift. Can you advise? --iVillager Susan



A

Dear Susan:

Are you attending a bridesmaids' luncheon or a luncheon shower for the bride?

A bridesmaids' luncheon is typically thrown by the bride in honor of her bridesmaids and occurs sometime during the months or weeks leading up to her wedding. It's just one of several gestures a bride traditionally makes to thank her attendants for all their help and support. Since the bride is the host and the bridesmaids are the honored guests (and, usually, the only guests), there is no need to bring a gift. In fact, the bride may very well give her bridesmaids each a gift or a party favor during this intimate affair. One of the favorite traditions of a bridesmaids luncheon is the ''bridesmaids' cake'' -- a cake with charms, symbolizing various things, baked into it. These charms are each attached to a ribbon or string; each bridesmaid takes a turn pulling out a charm. The bridesmaid who pulls out the engagement-ring charm is destined the next to be married.

There are, of course, other wedding-related occasions for which it is appropriate to bring a gift. If you'll be attending a bridal shower (which may be a luncheon or a cocktail party or centered around an event, such as seeing a play or attending a baseball game), it's typical for guests to bring a gift for the bride bought from her registry, or something related to her trousseau -- lingerie, delicate handkerchiefs with her new monogram embroidered on, and so on. At an engagement party, guests often bring gifts for the home. Although it's not expected, some guests choose to bring gifts to bachelorette and bachelor parties, but these tend to be ''gag'' gifts that fit with the rowdy, fun mood of the event. Typically, guests arrive at engagement parties and showers with a gift in hand. At a wedding, however, some guests prefer to have a gift sent ahead or after the event instead of delivering it in person.

One last piece of present etiquette worth noting: If you're invited to more than one of the same type of celebration for the bride or groom or both -- say there are two showers for the bride, or two engagement parties for the couple -- there's no need to feel obligated to bring a present each time. One present is plenty.

Hope this helps!

The Wedding Women