by Eileen Livers and Monica Bernstein

Q

Dear Wedding Women:

My fiance and I currently live in Kentucky, where his family also resides. My family lives in California, though. Each side wants us to have the wedding in their hometown. I'm leaning toward Kentucky, because I'm afraid to get involved in a lot of long-distance planning, but I don't want my family angry with me. And I don't want his family angry either. Please help!
Angel



A

Dear Angel:

Deciding where to have your wedding can be really difficult, especially when each of your families wants it on their home turf, the way yours do. Since you and your fiance will be living in Kentucky at the time of your wedding, planning to have it there will no doubt be much easier. Long-distance planning, especially between Kentucky and California, can be difficult and expensive, as you will probably have to do some traveling to find and decide on sites and vendors. However, if you have at least one person in California who is willing to help you plan, or you plan to hire a wedding planner in California, long-distance planning should be easier.

There are also ways to please both sides of the family: Why not have an engagement party or pre- or post-wedding party in California? (Or in Kentucky, if you decide to have your wedding in California.) You can even have two wedding receptions (and even two ceremonies, if you want), one in California and one in Kentucky. Although that requires some extra work, couples have done it with much success. Of course, you can always pick a neutral spot in the middle, but that will make planning more difficult, because you won't have anyone there to help you out.

Good luck!