Working with a caterer to plan the menu and reception style for your wedding is not an easy task. From what to serve to deciding between a buffet or sit-down meal, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. But don't! Working with a caterer does not have to stress you out. Here are the answers to the most commonly asked catering questions, including deciding what to serve, informing your guests of the menu options and choosing between a cash and open bar.
Q. I would like to have an evening wedding and then a really chic reception at an art museum. Can I have a cocktail party (raw bar/hot and cold hors d'oeuvres, stationed and butlered/champagne station/ open bar with beer and wine) with a band, or do I have to serve a full dinner?
A. It's all in the timing. You can have a cocktail party reception, as long as you don't schedule it during prime dinner time, when guests (or at least guests' stomachs) will expect to be fed. Your options are early afternoon, for a light lunch or hors d'oeuvres reception -- say a 2:30 or 3 o'clock ceremony, with the reception to follow and end before the dinner hour (say 6, 6:30), or late evening, with a cocktail or dessert menu (we're talking 8:30, even 9 p.m. for the ceremony).
Though the times on your invitations should clue (most) people in that they are not getting dinner, don't just leave it at that. Include wording in your invites to make the situation absolutely clear: "Join us after the ceremony for cocktails, hors d'oeuvres, and dancing at the Art Institute...." Don't worry that some may consider it "rude" not to serve a full meal. As long as you've given them fair warning, it's your prerogative to do the reception your way, and if cocktails are better for your budget and the art museum is more important to you than chicken cordon bleu -- go for it.
Q. We will have two reception dinner choices, plus a children's meal. How do we let our guests know the options, and how do they let us know what they would like (and how many of each)?
A. The most common way of handling this is to include the dinner options on the bottom of the response card -- it makes things really easy for your guests, since they need to return the card to you anyway. Some etiquette experts (and some regular people, too) will tell you this is tacky, but for many people it's simply the most practical.
If you don't want to do that, talk to your caterer or reception site manager to come up with a plan. When you give them the total headcount for the reception, specify the number of children (since they'll be getting kids' meals), but also ask how they plan on handling the entree choice. Most caterers will have a good sense of how guests will choose (whether it will be split down the middle or one choice traditionally enjoys much more popularity). To really be on the safe side though, you should probably go ahead and order a few extra of each meal.
If that sounds too scary, stick to the response cards. Simply list the three options (you might indicate what the child's meal includes as well as noting that it's for kids) underneath the line on which guests let you know whether they will attend. Put an underscore in front of each option, so guests can write in the number of each kind of meal that they'd like (or a check mark, if, say, there are three people coming and each of them wants a different meal). Guests generally understand what to do when they see dinner options on a response card, so don't worry too much about it!
Q. Is it improper to have a cash bar, even if we will have around 400 people and don't have the money to provide for everyone?
A. While it is often necessary to find ways to cut costs, a cash bar is never a good choice. When you have a wedding, you're inviting people to a party, and they shouldn't have to pay for anything while they're there. Yes, it's true that when you have a bash in your apartment and invite all your pals, you say "BYOB," but it's not quite the same at a formal event. Better to try and save money on the alcohol itself -- and don't worry, there are a number of ways to do that.
Consider having a "limited" bar. Serve only soda, beer, and wine or have a champagne toast. Some couples have a signature cocktail, which cuts down on the different liquors and ingredients you'll be purchasing. Also, confirm whether you have to buy your alcohol from the place where the reception will be. You may have signed a contract that says so, but if not, it's generally much cheaper to buy your own liquor, wholesale -- you can get more for your money, and get what you want.
-- The Knot
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